first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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