I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
