barbara walters just said penis...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
