DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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