my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
