I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
What a dumb baby whore.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
