my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
