Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I think my moral compass just broke
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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