i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
