They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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