I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I want a musical about memes.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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