I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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