Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
