dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
