I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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