my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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