now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
