i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
