jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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