I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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