I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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