Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
