if you like me you must not know who I am
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
