Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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