Duck Duck Cougar?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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