we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
