if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
