my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
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If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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