what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
