Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
