So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
