I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
