I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I supernannyed him into submission
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
