I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
