apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
