dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
