i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
