I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize