i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
