Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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