god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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