New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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