Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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