We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
