I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
