You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
