He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
