it was like his penis was on wheels.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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