YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
