Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
