Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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