I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
birth control should be required to get into college
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i dont even know how to be here
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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