Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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