haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
