So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
