I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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