Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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