you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
