Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
