If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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