I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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