Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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