I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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