operation have a gay friend backfired
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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