Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
