I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
