so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
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I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
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he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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