He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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